


Jealousy

by Starbird



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: (Ofc Angst), (lots of smut), Angst, Bedsharing, Bodhi is Lowkey Really Happy in This for Some Reason, Cassian's Self-Control around Jyn is Basically Nil, F/M, Feels, Jealousy, Like Extreme Jealousy, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Porn with Feelings, Possessiveness, Praise Kink, Sexual Tension, Smut, Teasing, Thousands of Words of Smut, all the sex acts, like really bad, thinking the other doesn't want them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-24 21:10:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17108180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird/pseuds/Starbird
Summary: Jyn and Cassian become jealous of one another’s other hookups, but can’t see that maybe, just maybe, the reason for these trysts is that they think the one person in front of them doesn’t want them…and truly does.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [but we're still sleeping like we're lovers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15924836) by [wintersend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersend/pseuds/wintersend). 



> This came out of nowhere. I was reading wintersend's piece “but we’re still sleeping like we’re lovers” and I was like, _I wanna see this in-universe SO BAD_ and I think I left a comment saying that and then I messaged her and was like uh i’m gonna write it that ok witchu?
> 
> And here it is. Hope you enjoy!! “Bah Humbug” is a little stuck ~~I’m stuck on the ending smut tbh~~ but I hope to get back to it soon. And then all the Christmas/winter prompts, and then back to “Deception”! :D ~~Then hopefully “Come to Me” after that and then I’d really like to get back to my baby, “Then”!! #aspirayshuns~~
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Also dis was s'posed to be a oneshot y'all. 9,000 words later...~~
> 
>  
> 
> Also — happydance! — this piece is finished!!! I’ll update regularly after the holidays. :)

_-Jyn-_

Jyn knows Cassian is not coping well after Scarif. He was in the medbay for a whole month, while she was left to her own devices in the Rebellion, floating adrift among people she didn’t know. At least she had the rest of the Rogue One crew to keep her company. In that time, the Alliance evacuated Yavin 4 and relocated to a planet in the Outer Reaches. Jyn walked a lot. She thought a lot.

She thought too much.

When Cassian was released, she was overjoyed. But he wasn’t the same. He was more haunted than he had been before, and while he welcomed her company, and their silences weren’t awkward, she also got the feeling that he looked forward to being alone. She sat in his quarters at night sometimes after their duties were over (he was confined to a desk, not yet cleared for field duty and might never be), and he would endlessly go over past reports, looking for the tiniest clues that he could bring to Draven to show he was still useful.

Jyn tried talking to him. It didn’t work.

Slowly, though, he began to return a bit to his old self (or what Jyn knew of it, after only knowing him a couple months now). Three months after the battle, he was starting to smile again, and they talked a little when they were together. He was still chained to a desk, and he could only watch when she and Chirrut sparred or she practiced shooting targets with Baze. She suggested once that he and Bodhi teach her how to fly, and that seemed to cheer him up, until he realized she was only faking enthusiasm for the subject. Then he became dejected again. Her own loneliness began to set in, even though she spent most of her time with Cassian and the rest of the time with the Rogue One crew.

It just didn’t feel right like it used to, and that made her morose. Furthermore, there was nothing she could do to help Cassian. It hurt, and she hated that it hurt.

So she’s sitting in the cantina on the first night of the weekend, off-duty, on her second tall drink, foot up on the chair across from her and pleasantly buzzed. It’s dark in here, anonymous, and she likes it that way. Bodhi is with Luke Skywalker, Wedge Antilles, and some other pilots, and Baze and Chirrut turned in early. Cassian is…

Jyn doesn’t know where Cassian is. Alone in his room, probably.

“Is this seat taken?” a voice asks. Jyn looks up.

“Seriously?” she says. Seriously, he’s using that line on her?

The man standing over her table wears the same uniform Cassian does, rank of lieutenant on his brown jacket. She thinks nothing of it, other than that it reminds her of her partner. He's…he’s handsome. His smile is nice, he’s tall, his body is well taken care of.

Jyn shoves the chair out with her foot. He sits.

“Harris,” he introduces himself.

“Erso,” she replies. “What did you come over here for?”

“You looked lonely.” He sets his drink down, what looks like a dark brew.

“I’m not,” Jyn says, but it’s a lie.

“I know lonely when I see it,” Harris says. “I commanded a couple squads before. Lost a lot of people. Wasn’t worth it.”

Jyn nods once. “Sometimes it isn’t.”

Harris shifts in his seat, gets a little more comfortable. “So why are you drinking alone tonight?”

Jyn shrugs. “No one else to drink with.”

“You been assigned yet?”

“No.” Truth was, Draven wasn’t sure what to do with them. And with Cassian…out of commission for the moment, there’s not much point.

The conversation stalls to a stop, and for a few moments, they drink in silence.

“Well,” Harris finally says, “I’ll leave you alone if you’d like to be alone. I’m used to being alone myself. But if you’re interested in not being alone for a little bit…” He shrugs and stands. “It was nice meeting you, Erso. Thank you for what you did.”

Jyn watches him go for just a moment. Then she gets up and follows him out of the cantina.

 

They’re all over each other the minute they’re in Harris’s quarters. His hands are warm on her body, and his kisses are firm and insistent. Jyn melts against him; it’s been so, so long for her. None of her previous encounters have been romantic, and she has nothing tied up in that department. She doesn’t _need_ romance. Cassian doesn’t, either, presumably, and they’re much the same. Why should she need more? Not that she’s necessarily thinking about him in this moment, as Harris undoes her breastband and closes his lips over her nipple.

He’s a good lover. He’s attentive and considerate. He’s what Cassian is probably like.

Again, not that she’s thinking about him. But Jyn can’t help how his face flashes before her closed eyes when Harris thrusts particularly hard, and her surprised gasp is partly from what her mind has conjured up. She feels herself grow wetter, feels her center throb, and she bites her lip, trying to stay focused.

Afterward, she dresses, while Harris traces circles on her bare back with his fingers until she covers it with her breastband and shirt.

“Thanks,” she says. It’s all she can say right now – she’s not much for words – but she means it.

“Sure,” he replies. “That was really nice. Stop by the Intelligence block anytime.”

Jyn freezes, her foot halfway into her boot. “You’re Intelligence?”

“Yeah. How’s Andor holding up? We worry about him.”

Jyn’s out the door before she can answer him, and she doesn’t ever intend to.

* * *

_-Cassian-_

New travels fast in the Alliance, especially salacious news, and especially about its heroes. Cassian finds out about Jyn’s hookup with Lieutenant Harris less than twenty-four hours after it happens. When he finds Harris working late in communications, he walks right up to him, cool as can be.

“A moment, Lieutenant,” he says.

“Sure.” Harris takes off his headset and sets it on the desk in front of him, then follows Cassian out into the hallway. They’re alone. Cassian immediately grabs the bigger man by the collar of his jacket – identical to Cassian’s except for the rank – and slams him against the wall.

“You _slept_ with my partner?!” he snarls.

“Whoa, whoa, easy,” Harris says, hands palm out, using the same kind of tone Cassian had been taught to use in this sort of aggressive situation. “I think there’s been some sort of a mistake here.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Harris,” Cassian says, eyes blazing. “You fucked my partner last night. I’ll kill you and dump your worthless body in a ravine. Stay away from her.”

Harris scoffs. “Andor, she’s fair game, and I didn’t know you all were _partners_. But you have my word: I won’t touch her again. Even though she was fantastic.”

Cassian slams him back again, and Harris’s head knocks against the wall.

“Sith, man, what’s your problem? She can fuck whoever she wants.” He peers closer at Cassian, into the rage on his face. “Do you…do you _like_ her? Is that the problem? Is that why you’re so mad, because she’s not fucking _you_?”

“I ought to burn you to the ground for insubordination,” Cassian hisses.

“You can try,” Harris says blandly, “but your word isn’t worth much ’round here these days.”

Cassian’s back is pinching him, and the words are too true and too painful. He lets Harris go, and glares at him till he disappears back into the room. He tells himself he stood his ground, that he was being tough.

In reality, he waited for Harris to be out of his sight so the other man doesn’t see him limp back to his room, his back and leg easily set back weeks in his physical therapy.

* * *

_-Jyn-_

 

Cassian knows.

Jyn realizes it two days later, when she sees him at breakfast. She’s enjoying it, laughing with Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut, over a story of Chirrut’s, when Cassian arrives and sits next to her, a meager meal on his tray.

“You won’t get through the morning on that,” Jyn says, still smiling. Cassian doesn’t reply, clearly ignoring her as he stares at his datapad. “How’s Kaytoo coming along?”

“Fine.”

The joy immediately drains from the table. Something is wrong. Bodhi asks Baze how his breakfast was, and Baze grunts before returning to his lumpy oatmeal. Chirrut bites into a crunchy piece of fruit, and the sound is too loud.

Cassian eats quickly and leaves without another word.

“What was that all about?” Bodhi asks.

“I don’t know,” Jyn replies, stunned.

“Did you two fight again?”

“No, we…” Jyn trails off.

_He knows._

Then she gets up and throws the rest of her meal out, and she leaves without another word.

 

Cassian avoids her the rest of the day. As each hour goes past, as she realizes more and more what he’s doing, she becomes more and more angry. Finally, when night comes, she goes to the cantina, gets properly drunk, and storms to his quarters.

She pounds her fist on the door until he answers.

“Jyn, what in blazes…?”

Jyn pushes past him and pivots in the center of the room, fists on her hips. She knows she smells of booze and the cantina.

“You’re angry,” she says, then states flatly, “So what.”

Cassian crosses his arms. “Are you done?”

“No. You don’t own me. Therefore, you have no reason to be angry.”

“Harris is an idiot. He could’ve been using you.”

“He didn’t seem like an idiot to me, and he wasn’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“ _You_ don’t know that.” She eyes him for a second. Her voice is quiet when she speaks next. “Are you jealous?”

“No.” But his face is too neutral, and his posture is too stiff. He hasn’t moved a muscle.

“I need to sit.” Jyn goes over to his bunk and sinks down, then readjusts to get under the covers. Maybe she had too much. She closes her eyes, and Cassian says nothing.

She doesn’t even remember falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Cassian’s turn to blank his mind. But afterward, things slowly start to return to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me here. It’ll get better. I’m RebelCaptain fo lyfe, y’all. *fist pump*

_-Cassian-_

Cassian leaves his quarters once Jyn is asleep. He needs air. He needs to be _away_. He can’t think.

His mind is in turmoil. It won’t stop designing images of Jyn and Harris twisted together in the lieutenant’s bed. Jyn falling apart beneath his hands, his lips, to his body. Cassian _hates_ it, hates _him_.

When he can walk no longer, he, too, winds up in the cantina, the hour late. And when the exact same opportunity presented to Jyn, presents itself to him…

He takes it.

 

She’s brunette and pretty, wet and welcoming. She’s intense, powerful, strong, and she blanks his mind for a good hour. He’s rough with her, too, because he needs the images removed from his mind, needs the thought of Jyn torn from it. She rips his orgasm from him, and he digs his nails into her flesh as he peaks. It’s hard and heartless and the pleasure and experience leave him empty as a bottomless pit. She’s happy, thoroughly satisfied, asks for his name and he doesn’t give it as he leaves her quarters.

She had big eyes, brown hair, and a small frame. As Cassian walks back to his room, he can’t help but wonder what Jyn would look like below him in his bed, her head on his pillow. He wonders if he’d be able to control himself around her, or if he’d pin her down and make love to her hard because he needed it, he _needed_ it and his life was empty without her. He wonders what it would be like to take hours with her, to make love to her softly, gently.

Cassian stops in the darkened hallway and leans against the wall, breathing out. He pounds his fist back. He’s not even completely soft yet from his encounter, and yet here he is, no better for it. He puts his head in his hands, and all he feels is shame.

 

Jyn is still asleep in his bed when Cassian returns to his room. He pauses, unsure of what to do. There is nowhere else for him to sleep, and he’s exhausted. He can’t just skip sleep.

Nothing to do but go for it, then.

Cassian quietly takes his jacket off and drapes it over his chair, then moves to the bed. He hopes Jyn won’t punch him when he gets in. As he pulls the covers over him, Jyn stirs.

“Cassian?” she mumbles.

“Yes,” he whispers. “Go back to sleep.”

“What time is it?”

“Late.”

“Where were you?”

He pauses. “Out.”

Jyn reaches up to rub her eyes. The light from her chronometer switches on with the movement, and she stills. “What are these scratches on your neck?”

Cassian’s heart thuds in a very unpleasant way. “Hmm?”

Jyn suddenly thrusts up his shirt, the heels of her hands cold on his back. He closes his eyes as he feels an additional rush of shame, knowing she must see more red marks there. His partner had been _very_ enthusiastic.

He quickly turns toward her. “Jyn – ”

But she climbs over him, gathering her boots as she goes and holding up her hand.

“It wasn’t anything,” Cassian blurts, desperate to have her stay. They’d spent ten seconds in a bed together, and it had felt…good. Right.

“Looks like you had a good time,” she retorts, and sways sideways as she reaches for the door panel.

“Like you had with Harris?”

She turns a glare on him, visible even in the low light.

“Stay,” Cassian says.

He can see the conflict in her eyes. He feels filthy. He swears he can smell the other Rebel woman on him.

Cassian looks down. “Never mind.”

Jyn goes.

* * *

_-Jyn-_

 

A week later, Cassian starts working up to getting back into the field. The Rogue One crew stands behind him, watching him train, encouraging him. Jyn feels their relationship shift back to normal again, after the hurt has faded. And she feels the spark between them again, sort of a tangent to the jealousy. Knowing Cassian had been with this other woman…thinking of him as sexually desirable to someone else, sexually experienced…it sparks something odd inside her. He seems to feel it, too, but is better at hiding it. Still, as time goes on, whenever they touch (which is frequent; always has been), they catch each other’s eye and smile, or their touch lingers too long, or they stand too close together. Jyn feels him pressing against her during target practice, and she ignores a quiet comment from Chirrut that she can’t catch, Bodhi’s bark of a laugh, and Baze’s snort.

“If you don’t have anything better to do,” Cassian snaps, “I can recommend a few things.”

“No need to threaten, Captain,” Baze mutters, and finds something to do in the form of checking charges on the practice weapons. Cassian is returning to his old self more and more, and they’re all happy for it. Even if it means he’s grumpy and sullen. Jyn looks over at Chirrut, and his gaze is a little too knowing for her. Bodhi just smiles, happy to have the crew back together.

“Again, Jyn,” Cassian says. “I can’t be the only sniper on the team.”

“Why not?” Jyn replies. “There’s no point in training me on this.”

“It’s a useful skill.”

“It’s a waste of my time.”

“Nothing you do here is wasted.”

“I can think of at least six things Draven had me do that were clearly busywork. And that’s just off the top of my head.”

And just like that, they’re back to arguing again.

 

This time, they go to the cantina together. They only have a couple draughts each, enough to bring on a pleasant buzz but not drunkenness. Jyn walks back to Cassian’s quarters with him, and he doesn’t seem surprised when she follows him in. ( _Is_ he surprised, though?) She wants to be close to him. She wants to _touch_ him. Her fingers burn with desire. She feels the heat radiating off of him, and after he sets his comlink down on the desk, he looks over his shoulder at her. His mouth is turned down as it often is, his eyes are tired, his hair is too long, his face is too thin.

Force, he’s beautiful, though. He’s so, so handsome. Jyn’s heart nearly stops in her chest, and she has to keep her mouth from gaping open.

“Can I stay here tonight?” she asks, and she means to say it boldly, but her voice comes out far too quiet.

“Sure,” Cassian says casually, like it means no more to him than the lunch menu. Jyn can’t look away from him.

But Cassian can look away from her. He has far more self-control. He breaks their gaze and starts shucking his jacket. Jyn, therefore, goes to the bed to remove her boots, socks, and vest. She gets in, belatedly realizing she hasn’t washed her face or brushed her teeth, and she watches as he removes his own socks and boots and gets in as well. His back is to her, and she wishes it weren’t.

He turns over, facing her. Jyn’s buzz thrums through her veins now.

She reaches up to his face, lays her palm against his cheek. He holds very still as her fingers trace him, finishing with brushing his bangs back. They’re always falling in his eyes. She loves it. It’s so endearing. Cassian links his fingers through hers, his palm over the back of her hand, and brings her hand to his lips.

He kisses the pad of each finger, and Jyn’s center catches fire.

Cassian sighs slowly, his breath warm across her face, and releases her hand. “Goodnight, Jyn,” he says.

But he makes no effort to close his eyes.

Jyn wants to say something, but she can’t think of anything to say. She’s terrible at this, terrible with words.

“Cassian,” she finally says.

His hand tangles with hers under the covers. “What?”

She can’t breathe. There’s too much pressure in her body. Only he can release it. Only he can take it away.

Cassian comes closer, and he kisses her. It’s not a long kiss. He’s testing the waters. When he ends it, he keeps his head bent close to hers, waiting. Their foreheads are pressed together, and they’re breathing in time.

Jyn tilts her head up and kisses him this time, harder, and their arms go around one another and Cassian is holding her so tight. Jyn’s hands stroke up his hard chest, feeling the lean muscle underneath, and she wants to get her hands on him so bad. He tastes so good, too good, and his tongue is delicious in her mouth. Each caress of it is sensual, strong, confident. He’s good at this.

The bed soon grows too hot. Jyn is on top of Cassian, carefully avoiding his hips. He’s shifted so that his erection isn’t pressing into her, as if she doesn’t know he’s aroused, so she doesn’t want to bring attention to it. Does he not want her as much as she wants him? Why is he hiding it? Her fingers clench in the front of his shirt, and his own hands push up the back of hers and curve around her bare waist.

Then he speaks.

“Was he good?” he murmurs. Jyn doesn’t reply; she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “Did you like it? Did you kiss him like you’re kissing me?”

Jyn pulls away from his lips to look him in the eye. His breaths are shorter, his eyes dazed. His hand is thrust through her hair and holding it back so he can see her face. The rest of her hair is tumbling down the other side of her face.

She asks him what she asked him before: “Jealous?” The word is a whisper.

Cassian kisses her fiercely and no longer bothers to hide his arousal, arching up into her while simultaneously pushing her hips down into his so that his hardness grinds roughly against her.

“No,” he growls in her ear, but it’s the worst lie he’s ever told.

“No?” Jyn replies coyly. She can’t deny that she’s turned on by his jealousy, by his possessiveness. “So sleeping with that other woman had nothing to do with me?”

“Now who’s jealous?” He flips her swiftly and grinds down into her again, eliciting a gasp she can’t quite hold back. Cassian pulls her hands above her head and holds her wrists tight as he kisses down her neck. “You know we can’t sleep together, Jyn. I’m your CO.”

Jyn works her hands free and holds onto his shoulders as he kisses her neck over and over, focusing particularly hard on the crook of her neck. Her mouth falls open at his intensity, and she can’t recover her breath. Cassian moves against her, between her legs, again and again, driving his hard-on against her, torturing her. She wants to get her hands on it in the worst way, wants him inside her, wants all of it, all of him.

Cassian’s mouth leaves her neck and he sits back for a moment, pushing up her shirt. Then he leans forward to kiss her flat stomach, up and up until he pulls her shirt off over her head. He gathers her breasts in his hands and kisses the swells of them, lingering only a moment before he makes quick work of her breastband. The flat of his tongue runs up and down each nipple before he takes turns sucking on them. Jyn has never had so much attention paid to her breasts before.

When he straightens again, Jyn sits up. She kisses him as she tugs his shirt free from his pants, and he obediently raises his arms so she can pull it off. Despite his words, they’re going to do this…they’re really going to do this. Her heart hammers, and she feels…nervous. He’s right: they _shouldn’t_ sleep together. The Rebellion may be pretty loose with the rules, but someone like Cassian, in his position, shouldn’t be compromising things by sleeping with his subordinate.

The skin of his shoulders is so warm under Jyn’s hands and arms. Her fingers run up his neck and into the hair at the back of his head. She kisses him slowly, relishing it…

And then he pulls away, his hands going slack on her waist.

“I have to stop,” Cassian murmurs, his face down and away from her. “We can’t compromise things any further.”

Jyn trails her fingers down his bare chest, lets them drift over the outline of his fully hard cock in his pants. A shiver races over him, and he breathes a little harder.

“No?” she says. Her own underwear is already soaked through, she can tell. How can he stop them now?

Cassian gently lays them both down on his bed, maneuvering so they’re under the covers.

“Goodnight, Jyn,” he says, but it’s pretty damn hard for her to fall asleep with his hardness at her back and disappointment in her heart.

 

They have a meeting with a bunch of other soldiers at 1000 the next morning. Jyn doesn’t know about Cassian, but she’s felt twitchy, anxious, since they got up. The urge to touch him is overwhelming now, and she doesn’t know how to stop it. They sit next to each other, thighs touching, neither of them readjusting so they’re not. Jyn rests her hand on her leg, and Cassian’s hand comes down shortly after to rest right next to hers on his leg.

They’re so close, yet so far away.

 

After the meeting – excruciatingly long – Jyn follows Cassian the opposite direction of the way everyone else is going. They’re headed for lunch, but he’s headed…she’s not sure where. She’s finally about to ask him where exactly he’s going when he grabs her hand and pulls her into a closet. He closes the door and pushes her against it, hands all over her, mouth hot on hers. Jyn can’t help but moan; he’s just as intense now as he was last night. He breaks from her lips to kiss her earlobe, and his hands stroke down the sides of her thighs, then up, between them, over her abdomen and to her hips again. He holds her hips firmly as he presses against her, and one of his hands wanders down into her pants. The tiniest little sound comes out of Jyn’s mouth when his fingertips first tease at her opening, then finally curl up and enter her, where she’s wet and throbbing. Cassian makes a pleased noise, adjusts his hand, and smoothly slides his middle finger all the way in. Jyn’s hand reaches out for something to hold onto, grabs onto the metal pole of a wobbly shelving unit.

Cassian’s breath is in her ear – he’s just as turned on by this as she is – as he fingers her, slowly at first, and then she cries out quietly when he slips a second finger in and begins circling her clit with his thumb. By now Jyn’s stance is wide, granting him all the access he wants, both hands holding onto shelves to either side of the door. Cassian’s other hand quickly undoes the fastenings of her pants, giving him more room to maneuver. She’s slick and he’s having no problem working her up to release. His fingers are divine, thick and perfect, hitting all the right spots with just the right rhythm.

When she feels herself getting closer, she grabs onto his jacket by his shoulder. He increases his pace, his own breaths coming faster, until Jyn’s muscles are pulled tight and she comes, clenching around his fingers. It feels so good, having his fingers inside her, and she doesn’t want to stop now.

But when she reaches for him, he twists his hips away.

“No, no, I’m okay,” he whispers. “You?”

“Really good,” she murmurs.

She can tell he likes being told that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian is gone for a mission. He and Jyn are both very happy to see each other when he comes back, and they can’t deny the pull they have on each other.

_-Cassian-_

 

It’s a solo mission this time that keeps them apart. Cassian is gone for five days meeting with a contact on Corellia, and he can barely stand it. By the end of the second night, he’s in his bunk with his cock in his hand, desperate, sweating, eyes closed and imagining – wishing – it was Jyn’s hand on him, Jyn stroking him and pulling him, his release rushing toward him. He can’t spare the time to be gentle – he’s too desperate – and he’s already thrusting into his own hand, needing the release so bad it hurts. He pictures his cock sliding between her breasts, plush and warm and firm, her beautiful face watching as he does it. He thinks about going down on her, tasting her all over, drinking her up until she shudders under his mouth.

He thinks about what Harris said. _She was fantastic._

Not that the word of some idiot lieutenant with a point to prove is anything to go by, but Cassian doesn’t think it’s a lie. Sure, Harris may have been throwing it in his face because he sensed Cassian’s jealousy – he really _isn’t_ an idiot, and in fact, Cassian personally trained him in a smattering of areas. (Draven sure thinks he has worth.) Of course Jyn was a fantastic lover. She’s strong and confident, and she’s beautiful. Her body is a thing of wonder.

Jyn in his bed…Jyn naked below him…her body enveloping him, her face flushed, her mouth open as he brought her pleasure, as he made her come…

It’s only seconds after Cassian has the thought that he comes, so hard he has to roll over and bury his face in his pillow to stifle his cries. His eyes squeeze shut, and his heart sprints. He strokes himself gently through the orgasm, drawing out his ecstasy.

 _We can’t take it any farther,_ he tells himself. _We absolutely_ cannot _._

 

But three days later when he sees her waiting for him in the hangar, falling back a step because she’s too close to his ship when he touches down, his self-control evaporates. He forces himself through the shut-down procedure, hands shaking a little. He’s never been away from her this long. Seeing her this time is like meeting her all over again.

Kaytoo is saying something. Cassian answers automatically, but his brain doesn’t even catalogue the conversation.

When he walks down the ramp, Jyn is smiling brightly for him. “Glad you’re back,” she says. “How’d it go?”

“Good,” he replies, resisting the urge to lean in and kiss her cheek. If they were together, that’s what he would do. He’s not a public person, private to a fault, but he would want to show her physically that he was happy to see her. Touch her. In his head, all he can see are images of him grabbing her in his arms, hoisting her up, and kissing her.

He wants to be welcomed home.

Jyn wraps her arms around herself against the bit of damp chill in the air. “You have to report in?”

Cassian nods. “And debrief. Shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

“I’ll be in analysis.”

It’s just under an hour when Draven releases Cassian, and he does his best not to race out of the room. Bodhi intercepts him on the way there – he’s happy to see Cassian, and Cassian feels the same, but he just wants to get to Jyn. Bodhi has ten things he wants to tell Cassian about the past five days, and Cassian doesn’t want to hear any of them right now. When he finally shakes the pilot off, another fifteen minutes have passed.

Jyn is sitting at a console with an earpiece pressed to her ear, frowning in concentration. Cassian watches her for a moment, taking in her beauty. She can’t enjoy this work, would probably rather be punching people, but she’s doing it…for him.

_She’s doing it for him._

He slowly approaches, not wanting to scare her, and gently lays a hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t jerk in surprise; no, she’s too aware for that. When she looks up, she’s smiling again.

Jyn tells the CO in charge that she’s clocking out. She was just helping out anyway. They leave the room together and set a slow pace around the base. Cassian fills her in on the mission, the tension between them growing. It’s almost too late before he realizes they’re in a quiet part of the base that’s caved in and unusable except for storage.

Jyn yanks him into a dark corner and starts kissing him immediately. His hands come up to settle on her waist, and he kisses her right back. She tastes so good, and he’s missed her. Her hands are restless, and they rove over his body. First his torso, and then they slide lower and before his brain catches up, they’re at his belt. He wants to stop her – _self-control!_ – but it’s been so damn long and so he gives her a little more room, cups her face, and kisses her even harder. Jyn gets his belt open with only the faintest clinking of metal, and then she slowly unzips him, the zipper following the hard line of his erection. She runs her hand back and forth over his abdomen, under his navel, and his muscles jump at the touch. He groans back in his throat; he can barely stand the torture.

_Touch me. Please, Jyn. Force, please, please._

He can’t say it. He won’t cross the line.

He’s already crossed the line. But somehow, if he doesn’t say it, it’s different.

If he only touches her, it’s different.

But all the discipline in the world can’t make him stop her from touching him.

Jyn’s hand is still stroking his abdomen, teasing, playing with the hair there. Her kisses are deep, slow, and good, but he can’t take any more.

Cassian’s hand shoots down and grabs her wrist. Her breath catches. So does his.

He pushes her hand down, down, into his underwear, and she wraps her hand around his base. For a moment he keeps his hand on hers as she strokes him, but then he lets go and readjusts to give her better access, and returns his attention to kissing her. Jyn pulls at him, learning him, and lets her fingers drift around him, too, touching his thighs with feather-light touches he didn’t know she was capable of.

Cassian can’t _stand_ it. His need is almost unbearable.

Jyn’s hand leaves his skin. He wonders why, until he feels her tugging down his pants and underwear. That makes sense, until he sees her lowering herself to her knees as she does so. His eyes go wide – she can’t do this, she _can’t_ – but before he can say anything, she’s taken him into her mouth and slid her lips all the way down. He groans louder than he means to – they’re still in public, after all – and stumbles back against the wall. Jyn grips his hips none too gently and holds him in place while her mouth moves back and forth on him, wet and warm. She doesn’t hold him all the time, using a hand on him occasionally, and when she sucks just on the tip, he bends forward to grip her shoulders.

He likes what she’s doing. He likes it a lot.

In his younger days with the Rebellion, he’d had a few fumbling encounters in the shadows. As he got older, though, he only used beds in the privacy of someone’s room. What he and Jyn are doing now is so out of character for him, so dangerous and unprofessional, but Cassian can't bring himself to stop it, no matter how hard he tries.

She’s getting him close. She’s getting him so close. His control is absolutely shot.

His right hand is tangled in the hair at the back of her head, messing up her bun. He’s pulling her onto him as his hips move in and out of her mouth. He’s holding himself back; he wants nothing more than to thrust into her mouth and get off _now_. He hadn’t been so gentle with his lover last week. (To be fair, she hadn’t been gentle with him, either.) Before that…before that, it had been a very long time since anyone had given him a blowjob.

Cassian looks down. She’s beautiful – she’s always beautiful – but with her cheeks flushed pink, with her eyes focused in concentration as she does this thing (in public!) that she doesn’t have to do for him…she’s just gorgeous. As his left hand curves down her cheek to her chin, his right tightening in her hair and pulling her tighter against him, his mind tilts toward dirtier thoughts. He’s so used to keeping his thoughts away from anything sexual, so used to self-control and denying himself what he wants, denying normal human urges, but with Jyn, he is totally lost.

She looks amazing with her lips wrapped around him.

“Do you like this, Jyn?” Cassian asks, and he wants to sound more confident, more smooth, but he doesn’t. He’s a pretty confident lover in general, but not…not with her.

Jyn’s response is to drag her nails down the inside of his thigh, and his head tips back against the wall, his eyes squeezing shut. He’s going to come soon. Her hand smooths around his leg and up, fingers drifting over his ass before she squeezes it gently, and _Force_ , she’s _fucking_ _incredible._

“Jyn…” he says tightly. “I’m…”

But she doesn’t stop. The tingling in him builds higher.

“I’m close,” he warns, “really close,” but she only moves faster on him, adds more pressure, and he grabs her head tighter with both hands and moves in and out of her mouth. He’s wound so tight, so tight…

Jyn twists her hand up once, sucks hard on his head, and Cassian gasps as he fills her mouth. He holds her to him, her breath hot around his shaft, his eyes closed as the pleasure batters him around and his heart pounds so hard he can’t breathe.

When it recedes, when he can breathe again, he wants to pull her up with him, hold her to him, but his legs give out. He falls to his knees, pulling Jyn to him and crashing his lips to hers. He pushes his tongue into her mouth, tastes himself and feels the slick of him on her own tongue and doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything anymore as long as he has her, and somehow, that isn’t even a shock to him, because it just _happened_.

He loves her. He knows he loves her. He has almost since meeting her.

He holds her even tighter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian’s jealousy reaches a boiling point and forces him to act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done! Thank you SO MUCH to everyone for reading, commenting on, kudosing, and subscribing to this story!! <3

_-Jyn-_

 

That night, they’re at the cantina getting drinks together. They’re mostly quiet, just watching the people, occasionally exchanging smiles, hands meeting under the table every so often, fingers dancing together.

“I’ll get you a refill,” Cassian says when he notices Jyn’s drink is almost gone. She smiles in acknowledgment. He gets up and makes his way to the bar through the crowd. She watches him as he goes, her heart flip-flopping in her chest. It’s just a little gesture, but…it’s kind. It’s thoughtful.

It’s Cassian.

Her Cassian.

Her smile fades, and she looks away. Not _really_ “her Cassian.” He doesn’t _want_ her. It’s patently obvious. He had the opportunity to sleep with her, and he didn’t take it. Maybe all he wants is stress relief for a bit, and then they’ll go back to their regular relationship.

 _That’s fine,_ Jyn figures. _Things work that way._

But as she watches him at the bar, his body deceptively relaxed as he leans against it, eyes slowly scanning the cantina, she realizes she knows him too well. They’ve only known each other a few months, but those two weeks leading up to Scarif had felt like a lifetime. They’re the exact same, a mirror of one another, and she can read him the disconcerting way he can read her. She knows he’s not relaxed, despite the casual way his body sags against the bartop. She knows he’s watching, always watching, even on a secure Rebel base. She understands him, in a way no one else probably does, or ever has. Has anyone even ever taken the time? Ever tried?

Has anyone even ever _cared_?

Jyn’s fists clench around her nearly empty drink and she stares into the dark liquid as thoughts whirl around in her head. She’s getting too sentimental. It’s ridiculous and not safe, and worse, it’s pointless. It’s not like she believes in true love or anything. Not like she’s in love with him, or could ever be.

_I don’t fall in love with anyone. I never will. It’s impossible and it’s stupid._

“Erso. Good seeing you here again.”

Jyn pulls herself out of her thoughts and raises her head to see Lieutenant Harris standing in front of her table.

“Need something, Harris?” she asks.

He sits next to her without invitation. “I just wanted to apologize. For what happened. I’ve been meaning to, but…you’re not an easy one to pin down.”

Where is Cassian? She glances up. He’s still at the bar, waiting on their drinks while the harried-looking bartender scurries around. His gaze is on the opposite side of the room from her. “Not a lot of free time in the middle of a war.”

“No, there isn’t.” Harris’s tone is serious, and Jyn narrows her eyes, wondering what his angle is.

“I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t trying to be cheap with you,” Harris continues. “I really admire your work, and the work of your crew. Furthermore, you’ve put more than one of my colleagues in the medbay while sparring, and I respect that.”

Despite herself, Jyn huffs out a closed-mouth laugh. Harris smiles back, looking pleased, looking a little more at ease.

“So I just thought…maybe you’d give me another chance,” he says. “I’m _very_ romantic. I’ll give you my share of slop from the mess, my extra standard-issue ratty blanket, maybe even some extra blaster gas cartridges.”

“That is very romantic,” Jyn says. “But I’m not one for romance.”

“Okay, then. I’ll let you win at a sparring match.”

“Not much of an offer, seeing as I’d win anyway.”

“You sure ’bout that, Erso?” he challenges good-naturedly.

Jyn makes a face, but she’s still smiling. Cassian is _not her Cassian._ “Pretty sure.”

A drink clunks down in front of her. “Lieutenant Harris,” Cassian says from above them, his voice steel-edged. Jyn looks up guiltily, even though she doesn’t have a thing to be guilty about. Cassian’s face is wearing its mask of neutrality, as per usual, but a little bit of hostility is showing through – and enough that someone besides her can see it. He’s not bothering to hide his emotions, and despite what people think, Cassian is a highly emotional person. He’s not dead inside like she’s heard people say.

“Andor,” Harris says. “Haven’t seen you around lately. Heard you got back into the field, though. Glad to hear it.”

“Thank you,” Cassian says coldly. “I need you to move. Now.”

“Nice talking to you,” Jyn says to Harris, who makes no effort to move.

“Problem?” Harris says to Cassian.

“You must not have heard me the first time I told you to stay away from my partner,” Cassian says, and his voice is now as cold as the poles on Coruscant. “Go.”

“I don’t report to you, Andor, and I’m off-duty anyway.” Then something dawns on him, and he looks between the two of them. “Wait. Are you two…?” He holds his hands up and stands from the chair. “Sorry, didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” Jyn asks.

“That you two are…” He motions between the two of them.

“No,” Jyn says, shaking her head. “We’re not.”

“Right,” Harris mutters. He turns and leaves, disappearing into the crowd.

“You didn’t have to be rude,” Jyn says to Cassian. He picks up her glass and takes a deep drink from it.

“Let’s go,” he says, reaching down for her hand and pulling her up. He lets go after only a moment, of course not wanting to be seen being publicly affectionate. Jyn is annoyed with him but follows anyway, because she wants to give him a piece of her mind, and she might as well do it privately. Enough of the base has seen them arguing publicly anyway.

Cassian sets a quick pace and leads her straight to his quarters. He keys in the code and she follows him in, but when she opens her mouth to tell him off, he pushes her up against the door, his hands above her head blocking her in, and starts kissing her.

“What’s this all about?” she gasps when she’s able to get some air.

“Should I have let you go with him?” Cassian asks.

“No,” Jyn breathes, and she grips his jacket and pulls him closer. “I thought about you when I was with him.”

“When I was with her, I did the same.”

It’s another moment before she’s able to pull away from him enough to speak again. “But you didn’t want me,” she whispers.

“I’ve always wanted you,” he says. He shoves her vest off her shoulders and onto the floor, then tugs her shirt free from her pants. “I’m just so kriffing stupid.”

At the admission, Jyn allows him to lead her over to his bed, where she falls down onto it with his welcome weight on top of her. She runs her hand back over his hair, and she realizes he must have thought she didn’t want him, either.

 _No more,_ she thinks. _Never again._

He’s grinding hard against her, his knee widening her legs. He doesn’t even have her shirt off yet, but is already working on her pants, tugging them and her damp underwear down. Jyn doesn’t want to admit it, but him showing his jealous streak to Harris was a turn-on for her. She was annoyed that he was doing it, and yet…

Before she can even think, his hands are under her ass and he’s lifting her up to his face so he can lick her. She gasps at the feeling of his soft tongue against her, and part of her wishes they could slow down, take their time, but it’s too intense and they’ve both wanted this so badly that there’s no way. His skill is impeccable, the way he tongues and sucks at her clit, licks every part of her. She’s dying to have something in her, _needs_ him to fill her with his fingers now and his cock later, but he won’t give it to her. She doesn’t know how to ask, so she won’t. _Can you put your fingers in me?_ are just not words she would ever use.

 _Maybe not now,_ she thinks. _But later, if this…if this continues._

She hopes desperately that it does. She’s already gone for him. Far gone. Her heart is already his, and it has been for a very long time.

It’s maddening how he rubs at her opening with his fingers but won’t put them in. He’s building her orgasm up, but she _needs_ that feeling of fullness.

They’re still terrible at communicating with each other – maybe they always will be – but Jyn tries. (She will always try for him. Anything.) She reaches her hand down and covers his fingers with hers, curling, pushing, and he gets the message. He slides his two middle fingers in, crooks them up, and he has the right spot within a few seconds. When he returns his clever mouth to her, he has to hold her hips down to keep her in place.

She likes it. She likes that he’s in control.

…for now.

She’ll take it back soon enough.

Cassian is rubbing over her G-spot, his tongue licking at her clit over and over and over. He alternates between that and sucking it, except when he takes a moment to spread her wide open for him with both hands and sink his tongue deep in her. His breath is hot, and his tongue is blindingly good slipping in and out of her. She’s never felt that before.

“Cassian, please,” Jyn moans. She can’t help begging. He’s going fast, but it’s not fast enough.

He doesn’t tease her. He immediately ramps up what he’s doing and has her coming seconds later, gripping the pillow under her head and arching up into him. She can already feel how soaking wet she is, but when Cassian kisses up her body, sliding his hand up her side, she feels the wetness on his fingers and can tell even more just how aroused she is.

His pants are still on, but the fabric strains over his fully hard cock as he moves his body up hers.

“Now,” Jyn insists, hands going to his belt buckle and holster. She has them undone in a flash and on the ground, and then he’s helping her with his pants. Quickly they get their shirts off, and Jyn is gathering him into her arms. She lays back again for a moment, relishing the feel of his naked body against hers (finally), but then she sits up again. She wants to face him when they do this.

“Condom?” she asks. Cassian reaches past her into the Rebellion’s poor excuse for a nightstand, pulling out the single drawer and reaching for one. Jyn can’t help the flash of jealousy that goes through her. Did he have one of these with him when he was with that other woman? Was he expecting to have sex that night?

It’s standard issue, the kind the medbay gives out. The kind that are cheap and practical and come in a variety of colors for no discernable reason other than to perhaps get people excited about safe sex. The thought of Cassian Andor going down to the medbay for condoms and grabbing them out of a giant glass bowl is amusing to Jyn. He seems like the sort of person who’d be…embarrassed.

He probably does it at 0300 in the morning, when no one else is around.

Jyn smiles at the thought as Cassian rips open the packet and starts to unroll it. She kisses him softly, one hand on his chest, until he’s finished. They readjust a bit and she lifts up, arousal spiking, heart beating at the anticipation.

He slips into her so easily, and at this angle, he’s already so deep it takes her breath away.

Her hands are on his shoulders, his on her waist, and she’s looking away, adjusting to him, before she looks back at his face. Cassian is looking very intently at her.

“Okay?” he asks quietly. Jyn gives him a little smile.

“Good,” she says. A micro-expression flits over his face, so fast no one else would see it.

No one else but Jyn.

“Could you…take your hair down?” he asks.

Jyn nods and reaches behind her, slowly taking the pins out. The side table is right next to her, and she lays them down. She shakes her head, runs her fingers through the strands, and they fall around her shoulders. Cassian looks like he’s just seen heaven.

Jyn ducks her head down. She can’t stand to be looked at like that.

Cassian rolls his hips up into her, and Jyn returns to kissing him. The pace is slow for only a minute, and then they’re grabbing at one another, moving faster, desperate, needy, groaning, gasping. His cock fills her up perfectly, better than any man ever has, and he is an incredible lover. He’s intense, passionate, always kissing her, always touching her, varying his pace and slowing them down for just a moment, then slamming hard up into her like he can’t have enough of her.

Then he pulls away, moves her off of him, and turns her around. He lifts her hips and settles her back down in his lap, and he interlaces their fingers low, where they’re connected. He gently kisses her shoulder as he moves, slowly, lovingly.

It’s good. It’s so good. It’s the best she’s ever had. She doesn’t want it to ever end.

Jyn repositions them, leaning forward onto hands and knees, and he willingly follows. She obviously doesn’t know how he feels about this position, and it’s one that can go either way for her (it mostly goes the wrong way). Only once has she had a lover she cared something about, and she only slept with him three times. She allowed him to take her from behind, because she trusted him as much as she ever trusted anyone back then. Otherwise, she’s used the position so she didn’t see the face of the man she’d chosen for the night, for her need for stress relief, for some form of closeness.

It was not a position she’d utilized with Harris.

Cassian, though…she wants to feel him draped over her back, his breath in her ear. Feel him pushing in and out of her, close, close, close.

Cassian re-enters her, and he presses his chest to her back just like she wanted. It’s only a moment, though, before he pulls her up to kiss him, and she’s stretching out one hand to the wall to balance herself, the other reaching back and wrapping around the back of his head. Their bodies curve together, moving in time.

They’ve always been in synch.

Cassian reaches around in front of her body to rub her clit. Jyn’s body grips his cock tighter, building her climax faster. It’s not long before he has her coming quietly, a deep breath drawing into her body.

Jyn decides it’s her turn to have control, and she pulls away. She turns, pushes him over onto his back. His breath comes out in puff of air when he hits the mattress, and his mouth opens as she sinks down on him again and begins to rock back and forth. She’s being rough, but he doesn’t seem to mind it. Instead, his eyes close and his head tips back against the pillow. His fingers dig into her hips. Jyn lifts her right leg, plants her foot on the mattress, grinds even harder over him. He’s enjoying it, his breaths short, and when he opens his eyes, they’re dazed. His hand comes up to comb through Jyn’s hair, and she bends downs to kiss him at the same time as he pulls her down.

“Jyn…” he whispers. “Jyn, I’m going to come.”

“Do you like me on top of you?” she asks as loud as she dares. It’s as bold as she can be.

“Yes.” His voice is still low, too. “Don’t stop.”

And she can tell he loves it, loves her being on top of him controlling the pace, as much as he loved being in control with her coming undone under his mouth, or sitting up with her or being behind her. He literally gets off on it, clutching her head to his chest as he releases himself inside her.

She wishes, fleetingly, that they didn’t have the condom on. She wonders what it’s like to have that much bare skin, to have absolutely nothing between her and Cassian.

Maybe next time. She’s pretty sure there’s going to be a next time.

They slowly come down, Cassians heart hammering beneath Jyn’s ear, his breath hard. Finally they separate, and Cassian winces as he pulls the condom off; he’s still hard. He ties a neat knot in the end and drops it over the side of the bed. They’ll dispose of it later.

Cassian turns over, pulls Jyn close. Buries his nose in her breasts. She feels like they should talk about what happened before, but she doesn’t have the words. She doesn’t know what they are, and there doesn’t seem to be a point. What would they even say? _I was under too much stress, and I thought you didn’t want me, so I sought solace in the arms of someone else. Someone anonymous. Someone who didn’t care, or at least not for longer than an hour. I couldn’t think of anything else._

Jyn presses a kiss to his hair. He smells so good, always has. They _do_ have things to work out, but for now…

For now, things are just fine the way they are. She’s happy, and _that_ is worth everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](https://thestarbirdfromtheashes.tumblr.com) for updates on my WIPs and lots of RebelCaptain content!!
> 
> If you like my work, I hope you’ll [subscribe to me as an author](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird)!


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